Fragments of a Medieval Manuscript Recently Discovered in Canterbury.
Believed to be in the Hand of Geoffrey Chaucer.

“Becket badges! Get your Becket badges here! Prove that you made it to Canterbury! Becket badges! Only 10p.!

“Now for a Knight like yourself, sir, I have this fine decoration. Polished metal, shaped like a shield, engraved with the cathedral. Or perhaps you'd like this lovely cross? It goes well with armour. No? Well, maybe you'll change your mind.

“And you've brought your Squire with you. Wonderful! Now lad, how about one of these? Jeweled, gold, fine artwork? Sold ten to a group of courtiers down from London last week. Very popular with the ladies. How many? Twelve? Thank you very much!

“Where are you off to, my good Yeoman, leaving your master like that? Shame on you! Oh, sorry. They don't need you yet? Then might I say that Becket's Woods over there make for some fine hunting? Fare thee well, man!

“You're interested too, my lady Prioress? Well, how about something like this? Now, isn't that a lovely crucifix. All right, here y' go! Would your companions like any? No? You're sure? Sorry, ma'am, shouldn't have doubted you!

“And now we've a Monk, do we? My, what a beautiful horse you have. Very fine. How about this gold badge? It'll go well with that lover's knot. No? Not for you, you say? Well, I guess you wouldn't want it. Becket's partial to hunters, not cloister folk. Oh, you hunt as well, do you? Splendid! You'll want one, then? 10p., please.

“Good day t' ye, Friar! Enjoying yourself, eh? Admiring the tavern? Good ale they serve there, y' know. You like the badges? Yes? No money? What a pity. What sort of deal? One badge per absolution? Done! I'll meet you across the road tonight.

“Hello, sir Merchant! How's business? Wonderful! You're doing well! You wouldn't want this badge, would you? Green, gold inlay, lovely cross? Not interested? Shame, these are very popular. No? You're sure? Very well, wouldn't want you to go into debt, would we?

“A Cleric, here, on a pilgrimage? Not quite a rarity, I must say, but I don't often see one in as poor condition as you. No benefice yet, obviously. You'll get one soon, I'm sure. Just keep trying! No need showing me that empty purse. I can tell you've no money to spare. Here, take this. I don't need it. Go buy yourself some food.

“Welcome to Canterbury, my good Sergeant of the Law! Come to meet another client, or are you truly on pilgrimage this time? Good! Then you'll want one of these. Sorry for mistrusting you, but you're here so often I can't keep it straight, what you're doing down here. This one's nice, matches the one you bought last time. Any word of wisdom today, sir? ‘Do unto other as you would have them do unto you'? Haven't I heard that somewhere before? You're sure I haven't? Very well. 10p. See you in a couple of months.

“A Franklin from the North? Well, welcome, friend. We don't often see your countrymen down here. Apparently can't afford it. You are most welcome. Had a look ’round town yet? No? Well, The Field and Plow has the best food, ale, and beds in town. You'll want to stay there, I'm sure. Now, interested in a badge? This one says Radix malorum est cupiditas. That's Latin for ‘Generosity brings peace.’ Or how about this one, ‘Happiness is prosperity’? All right, that's 10p. each, so 20p. total. Thank you very much! Enjoy your stay!

“Welcome, my good Cook! You're quite skilled, I see. Lots of spoons and pots and things. Y' know, our best cook here in Canterbury is old Bill Handy at The Field and Plow. Likes to have contests to show off his skill. You look good enough to beat him. Quite a bit of money's staked on these competitions. Winner gets it all as a prize. Could help you get some cure for that leg of yours. Oh, here to ask Becket to cure you? I'm sure he will. Good luck! Now, I think I've a badge for that somewhere?.

“Hey, you, Skipper, hands off those badges! They're not yours yet! You like those ones, eh? Well that'll be 10p. each. Oh, so now you don't want them? May you meet an unfortunate end at the hands of your crew! Prithee, put that knife away, sir. I meant no harm!

“Well, Doctor, that's a fine suit of clothes you've got there! Must have cost you a fortune! You're obviously skilled, no doubt about that. What have you got in those tomes? Astronomical tables, cures, lists of diseases? Didn't know some of those things even existed! You truly are a learnèd man! Now, badges? The sick like this design, looks real doctorly. Supposed to cure ‘em, I say. Interested? All right, 50p! Come again!

“My goodness, ma'am! We don't often see Ypres cloth in Canterbury! Not from Ypres? Ghent? What, Bath?! I didn't know they made such fine cloth there. Oh, it's just you as makes it like that? Very fine, very fine. What do you think of these designs? I made 'em all myself. No, not the badges, just the pictures. My father did the metalwork. You want to meet him? Come back here at midday and I'll introduce you. All right, all right! Walter, be a good lad and take this fine lady to meet my father, would you?

“Excuse me, Parson, want a badge? Sir, sir, I've some nice ones here! Come back and have a look! You won't find anything like this at home!

“Hey, Plowman! Badges? I've some nice wall hangings, too! Want any? Please? Come back!

“Welcome to the Canterbury Cathedral, my good Miller! Can I interest you in some badges, sir? Go ahead and take your time, I don't mind. How's business? Been in it long? Twenty year? You're an old hand at it, then. Maybe you could tell me how millers price grain? I'd swear our local one is a thief and a swindler. Oh. Sounds like a good system to me. No, thank you, I'm not interested in that sort of tale, though the regulars of The Field and Plow would be most interested! 10p., please.

“Found some you like, Manciple? 30p., sir. No, I assure you, if I priced 'em any lower I wouldn't turn a profit. Honestly. Yes, that's real gold, real silver. No, sir, the goldsmith wouldn't dream of faking that. No, it's not plated. Our smith can't do that. Yes, those words do have holy meanings. All right, 20p. for the three. Now go away. You're tarnishing my reputation.

“Harry Bailly! Welcome back, man! Haven't seen you for a month! You
must really enjoy pilgrimages. No, just a good story? Well, you certainly chose the right company to travel with. Their stories could fill a book! Are stories all you're getting out of this trip? What ho, a contest? Winner gets a £4 meal at The Tabard at the expense of everyone else? You're a smart man, Bailly. All right, no badges this time. Enjoy yourself'!

“Put down that quill and have a look at my wares! They are beautiful, aren't they? Can I interest you in any? How about your wife? I'm sure she'd like one. Oh, well, can't please 'em all. Now, what do you do for a living, that you're writing all the time. You're an Author? Should have known! You're researching characters? Think you could include me? I'd like my wife to see that. She keeps saying I'll never amount to anything. Well, I hope you get your book published!

“Good God, man, what have you done to your face! It's horrible! Have you tried salves? Now, what do you do for money? Bribes and blackmail? You must be a Summoner, then. May you save your soul! Can I interest you in this set of badges? They're for irredeemable sinners, like your clients. 10p. each, sir. Splendid! You're my largest sale yet!

“And what is your profession, sir? A Pardoner? Well, you certainly look the part, what with those relics and all. What are they, exactly? The Virgin's veil, St. Peter's sail, Caedmon's cross, and St. Andrew's bones? And what's on your cap, sir? A vernicle? May I look closer? My, what a likeness to Him! I confess it, I have sinned! You'll pardon me? For how much? What! That's extortion! Of course I want it, but I can't afford it! How about badges instead? My whole stock of the Radix malorum's? Very well. Here. Thank you!

“And finally, at the very end, a Reeve! I didn't mean it like that, sir! Very sorry. Any badges you like? My, that's a lot! I'll be nearly out of goods after you. Thank you, thank you. Oh. You're not buying. Sorry, I misunderstood your intentions. Here, I'll give you this one for free, to make it up. Have a nice day, sir!

“Becket badges! Get your Becket badges here! Convince your friends and family that you made it to Canterbury! You can even give 'em to your friends and family! Becket badges! Only 10p.! Becket badges! Get your Becket badges here!”